Shame, Fear, and Anxiety: The Hidden Scars of Being Scammed
- Mia Dalessandro
- Jun 24
- 3 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
Have you ever wondered why so many people, even very smart ones, fall for scams? I was recently reading Malcolm Gladwell’s Talking to Strangers, and one idea really stood out to me: humans have a “truth-default.” Simply put, most of us naturally assume that what someone says is true — unless we have a really good reason to doubt them.
That’s a lovely part of being human. But, unfortunately, it’s also why grifters and scammers can take advantage of our trust so easily.
We default to truth — our most automatic reaction to others is to believe them. — Malcolm Gladwell, Talking to Strangers
Scams on the Rise in Australia
Here in Australia, scams are more common than ever. The ACCC reported Australians lost a record $3.1 billion to scams in 2022 — an 80% jump from the year before.
This alarming statistic is a wake-up call for all of us. Scams are not just about financial loss; they affect people's lives deeply.
More and more people I work with in my practice have been victims of scams, and they’re dealing with serious emotional fallout. They tell me they feel anxious, angry at themselves, and scared to trust again. This emotional turmoil is a common response.
How Scams Impact Our Mental Health
When someone deceives us, it can leave a deep emotional scar. It’s common to feel:
🌧 Shame or embarrassment (“Why didn’t I see this coming?”)
💭 Anxiety and racing thoughts
🔒 Fear of trusting others — or ourselves
💔 Sadness or loneliness
Scams do not just rob us of our money. They can shake our sense of safety and self-worth. The emotional pain can linger long after the scam has occurred.
Understanding Emotional Reactions
The feelings of shame and anxiety are more than just passing emotions. They can evolve into a cycle of negative self-talk. This cycle can hinder our ability to trust others and form new relationships.
It’s essential to address these feelings head-on. Ignoring them can lead to long-term mental health challenges, including depression and anxiety disorders.
Gentle Steps to Rebuild Trust and Ease Anxiety
If you or someone you care about is going through this, it’s important to remember: you are not alone — and it’s not your fault. Recovery is a journey.
Here are a few gentle, practical steps you can take to look after your mental health after being scammed or manipulated:
Talk to someone you trust.
Sharing your feelings can help ease shame and reduce the emotional burden. More people than you think have experienced what you are. Talking about it helps remove the stigma.
Set healthy boundaries.
Give yourself permission to be cautious — without feeling guilty about it. It’s okay to slow down and carefully evaluate situations.
Be kind to yourself.
Treat yourself as you’d treat a close friend who needs support. Acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to grieve the loss of trust.
Limit exposure to triggering content.
Take breaks from the news and social media if they cause you stress. Protecting your mental space is crucial for recovery.
Reach out for professional support if you need it.
Therapies like hypnotherapy and strategic psychotherapy can help rebuild your sense of safety and resilience.
Support Is Here
Healing takes time, and asking for help is a courageous first step. — Mariska Hargitay
If you’re feeling the impact of a scam — or any kind of betrayal — you deserve gentle, caring support.
In my practice, I help people process these feelings and rebuild their confidence. Together, we work on calming anxiety, clearing unhelpful thoughts, and creating a stronger sense of trust — in yourself and the world around you.
You don’t have to go through this alone. If you’d like a safe, private space to talk, I offer a 20-minute FREE Discovery Call — please reach out anytime.
💛 And as always, take care of yourself.
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